Reflection

Thirty years from now
or maybe twenty
or perhaps even younger
when you are ten
when you start to realize who you are
and begin to wonder about your childhood
as one often reflects
to understand the present
and to see the future
I will tell you stories of
the text book baby you were
when you were just one
you climbed and explored
you were obsessed with balloons
at two it was things outdoors
like dirt, pebbles, leaves and flowers
however you did not like worms
you were fantastic with words
as you loved to read, and be read to
you were acute with your sight, hearing
your eyes did not miss a playground
as you loved to play
and you would tell me you hear
the birds chirping early in the morning
you were brave, bold, shy and bashful
you were always gregarious and loved to travel
but loved the comfort of your home
you were lovable and loved to laugh
I would tickle you
you'd collapse with laughter,
begging me to stop,
then when I did, you'd say
tickle me again mommy, and
you always wanted to be hugged.
June 17, 2009

Shadows

Do you ever get spooked by your shadow? I do, all the time. My shadow sometimes scare the heck out of me. One night I even started to run, then I realize it was just my shadow behind me. I wonder if that means anything. I remember as a child I was fascinated by my shadow. How depending on the sun it would be projected differently. I would stand in different positions to see how it looked. Then they were times I would try to walk and not let anything touch my shadow, so my shadow and I would walk in one. Silly I know. Now I don't find it so fascinating, just spooky.

I was surprised that Jyoti to is a aware of her shadow, the other day she said to me, "mommy look, my shadow". I hope she is not one day spooked by her shadow.

coming back from Massachusets

In the car ride home, I sat quietly and relish my daughter’s voice. She wasn’t feeling so well earlier, she had a slight fever, but we had just given her some Tylenol and I guess it kicked in and she pepped up. I smiled, pretending not to notice her as my heart danced with joy hearing her regurgitate everything that comes to her mind, abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxyz, itsybitsyspider...downcametherain rowrow...twikletwikle... On and on she goes, in the cutest baby voice. I am amazed each day by her abilities. Just that morning her grandmother taught her to say “its beautiful” after hearing it just once she went around all that morning saying “its beautiful” when she looked at something, as if she really thought about it.

If my eyes were a camera

If my eyes were a
camera,
I would capture Jyoti
every moment that I look at her.
Each smile,
each grin,
and even each cry,
I would capture
her naughtiness,
her sweetness and
her sadness.
I would capture her
prancing in the yard ,
digging the muddy dirt, and
sitting in a puddle,
I would capture her climbing the stairs,
the coffee table and
even the fence too.
I would capture her walking
running and
even falling too.
I would capture every moment
that I look at her and
keep them safely.

happy or sad

I am not sure how I should feel. Jyoti waved good-bye to me today, albeit it wasn't our usual good-bye routine, so I don't know if she thought I was playing with her. She was still in bed and I said "bye, mama gotta go to work" and waved my hand, she waved back. She has not done that before and I always associate it with her love for me. I felt she didn't wave good-bye to me because she didn't want me to go, but today she did. I felt sad, my baby is saying bye to me, I can go and she will be ok. I think I should be happy that she is growing up and is learning to communicate. After all that is a milestone isn't it. I was sad. Usually her Mousie would bring her to the door when I am leaving and I would wave like crazy walking halfway up the block to catch my bus and Jyoti would just kinda stare at me with this thoughtful look on her face. I interpret her thoughts as she is thinking, where is mama going, I am not going to say bye, then she will come back. Perhaps she is growing up and is starting to understand the dynamics of life. I should be happy. I guess, it will take some getting use to. Maybe after she does it a few times I will be ok with it.

If the walls had ears

I had a silly thought today...what if the walls had ears? I was walking down an empty corridor at work when I suddenly let one rip, a fart that is...I laughed to myself. Why does it feel good to pass wind, out loud that is!? I can only do it out loud when no one is around, but what if the walls have ears? I guess hearing it is not so bad, its if they had a nose...then that would be a bummer. lol!

Random Man/Woman

I am not a random woman
who you can treat
a little nice
and expect me to
sleep with you
to satisfy your
manly instincts
I have
womanly instincts
and they have to be
satisfied before
I can consider not
treating you like
a random man,
who will just get
kicked to the curb.

My life

I never, in my wildest dreams

Imagined my life to be the way it is

In a way I am glad,

Even though I presumed

My life would be simple, mundane,

A primitive girl

From a rural little village

I am

I met my prince charming

at 19

married him at 21

happily ever after

story ends

HELL NO

Yes, met the man of my Dreams

At 19,

Fell madly in love

He is the one,

Perhaps

Not

Infidelity

Small word

Such a big punch

I am amazed by

Ones who survive it

I couldn’t

I didn’t

Man of my dreams

No way,

He is not a cheater

His is not unfaithful

He is honest full of integrity

Nope he was definitely not the one

Search continues

The beginning

Of my life

at 27

Yea, that is when I discovered

Me

Who I am,

What I am

Can’t believe it

Took me 27 friggin years

To realize that

I Have integrity

I am strong,

Independent, confident,

And beautiful

But

My biggest downfall

My conscience

My most wonderful, amazing attribute

My conscience

The most compelling law I know

My friggin conscience

Lucky for me

I abide by it

Because I believe in

Karma

What goes around

Comes around

I get it all back

Perhaps I am getting back,

I believe that

And even though I am

Getting my share of woes

They come with

Many more euphoric moments

Enriching moments

Those are the moments I live for

Rather

I live for the moments

I realize

I am thankful for the

Happiness that I do get.